Oh! The SAD!

Sometimes I think I must be solar powered. The SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is real with me. I always knew that SAD was a thing....I knew that it was called SAD, but it wasn't until I sat down to write this post that I realized that SAD didn't stand for Seasonal Anxiety and Depression. That made more sense to me. And, yes, I'm self-diagnosed so don't come at me. I do feel SAD this time of year. Usually, I can make it through the holidays before it really sets in, but this year, I'm feeling it earlier than usual. Possibly this is because I'm working full time now. I've been incredibly lucky to be able to not have a "job" (I know that being a stay-at-home mom is a job, but it doesn't pay well, so again, don't come at me), and then to work part time with incredibly flexible hours for nearly 2 years before money in and money out became a bit too unbalanced. I'm thankful for my job. I love it MOST of the time. I'm happy that I have my own office, but that office does not have a window. So many times, I get up to leave at 4:30 or 5 and actually grab my sunglasses out of my purse only to walk outside and the lamps are on in the quad. So depressing. I feel like I wilt a little more every day. It's also so dreary and rainy and damp. Physical activity helps. I know this, but I hate walking/running in the dark especially on the roads around our house for many of the same reasons I stated in my last post...but this time add darkness. I just can't seem to get back to doing workouts inside. I should make the time for that, but my days already seem so jam-packed. It's been almost 4 months since I started this job. In that time, I have yet to find the balance. And now it's dark and cold and all things that I hate. And it's only DECEMBER! I just want to sit around and eat Chex mix and drink wine. 

I was talking to one of our English professors today. She was describing an essay that she got from a student that was great, but then the content kind of changed and didn't correspond to the prompt. It was so heartfelt and real that she still gave the paper a good grade, but the paper just kind of ended without a real conclusion. The student essentially pulled a Forrest Gump moment and ended with something along the lines of, "that's all I have to say about that." I said that sometimes that's fitting. Sometimes there is no conclusion. No easy way to wrap it up. And that's really how I'm feeling about this post. I have no conclusion. I will be SAD some days more than others. Some days I will feel pretty normal. Some days will be somewhere in-between. Maybe I just shouldn't be so hard on myself about it. 

And that's all I have to say about that.